Cuteness!
by Pumpkin Zucchini
Summary: Porche and Perona go on a quest of cuteness. Crack, sort of.


These two would be BFFs. Seriously.  
Or they would tear at each other's throats.  
I think I saw this prompt floating around the op_fanforall so I thought... why not?

Oh... and this isn't meant to be taken seriously, which is why there isn't really a concrete ending to it.

* * *

"Where would you like to go?" Kuma removed his glove, face void of any emotion. Perona lost all traces of fear and smiled, beginning to list off her ideal vacation spots. The zombies surrounding them waved their arms and grunted frantically, trying to warn Perona, but the girl didn't seem to notice.

"Well, I'd like somewhere dark and damp, like an old castle engulfed in malice. Somewhere I can lurk around singing creepy old songs all day!" Perona said, taking no notice as Kuma slowly approached her, hand outstretched.

"_Mistress Perona_!" a zombie hissed urgently. Still, Perona was oblivious.

Nami watched in horror as Kuma swung one arm at her. In a blink of an eye- or perhaps it was less- Perona was gone. Kuma straightened up. He adjusted his glasses and tucked his bible under his arm more securely.

"My hand slipped." he muttered.

-X-

"KYAAAAAH!" Perona shrieked as she flew through the air, miles and miles of water zipping by below her.

-X-

Meanwhile, leagues away, the Sexy Foxy sailed on through the seas. Each crewmember sullenly went about their duties, trying their best to ignore the crudely-drawn flag waving from their mast.

"Nyuah, Oyabin." Porche pouted, sitting on Hamburg's shoulders. "We're running low on supplies."

"No worries." Foxy said, marching around the deck to inspect the deckhands' work. "We'll steal more at the next island."

Out of nowhere, a comet sped down from the sky and crashed smack-dab in the middle of the Sexy Foxy. The force of the explosion rocked the entire ship, causing several men to nearly slip overboard. They began to panic, running around and screaming.

"GAAH!" Foxy jumped behind Hamburg, who seemed completely unconcerned about the commotion. Porche had fallen off his shoulders. Slowly, Foxy peeked around the large gorilla-like human to get a closer look at whatever had fallen from the sky.

"Oyabin! Go see what it is!" Porche whispered, also taking cover behind Hamburg.

"No way! What if it attacks me?" Foxy glanced up at Hamburg. "Hamburg! Go look at it!"

"Sure." Hamburg lumbered towards the enormous crater in the deck, snickering to himself. Suddenly, a figure shot out of the crash site and began wailing.

"MORIA-SAMAAAA!"

-X-

Perona pouted, glowering at the Foxy pirates as they looked at her curiously. Foxy and Porche were whispering furiously, trying to decide what to do with the strange girl.

"Okay! We'll welcome you as the newest member as the Foxy Pirates!" Foxy declared, turning around.

"EEEHHHH?" Perona's jaw dropped.

"Yes, the shock of being give such an honor will be quite heart-stopping at first, but-"

"You're ugly!" Perona made a face.

Foxy fell over. "Wh-why say such a thing...?"

"Nyuah! Don't insult Oyabin!" Porche flailed. "Who do you think you are, anyways?"

"I'm the Ghost Princess Perona! I demand to be served by someone cute right away! My feet are killing me!" Perona stomped her boots on the deck.

"You're annoying! Shut up! And we don't have anyone cute on this ship, anyways." Porche said rather sadly.

Perona looked up to see Hamburg snickering at her. Again, she made an overly-shocked face. "EEHHH? What the hell is _that_? That's not cute at all!"

"I _know_!" Porche sighed, still pouting. "Once we had this _really cute_ fuzzy reindeer doctor Choppy, but these mean pirates stole him away! And he was _reaaaally _cute, too, nyuah!"

"I-I'm kind of cute, I think..." a young man stepped up, smiling hopefully.

"YOU'RE NOT CUTE AT ALL!" Perona and Porche shrieked simultaneously.

"Pipipipi!" Foxy gathered himself up again and stood up. "Then you'll join our crew, Ghost Princess Perona?"

"Don't tell me what to do! I _demand _a cute servant right now!"

"Oyabin, let's let her stay for a while!" Porche said.

"And besides, you're not cute in the least bit." Perona stuck her tongue out at Foxy, causing him to fall over in depression again.

-X-

"Oooh, you know what's cute?" Perona asked eagerly.

"Fluffy little animals?" Porche's eyes sparkled.

"YEAH!" Perona squealed.

"Oi..." Foxy rubbed his head. "You two are annoying."

"WHAT WAS THAT, HM?" Perona glared at him. "It's your fault that there's nothing cute on this ship! Even your flag is as ugly and un-cute as you!"

"Wh-why...?" Foxy fell to his knees, unable to take the insults.

"Oooh, Perona, let's go look for something cute for our ship then!" Porche turned to Foxy. "Oyabin, you don't mind if we go out for a while, nyuah?"

"Go do whatever you want..." Foxy sobbed, clearly depressed. Porche and Perona squealed excitedly and ran below deck to take out one of the smaller boats Foxy reserved for Davy Back Fight games. They both unanimously decided on a little pink boat they deemed adorable enough to carry them. Much to Foxy's protests, they took Hamburg along with them (as a servant, according to Perona, on the grounds that he wouldn't speak a single word during the trip because of his "hideous voice").

"Let's go find something cute!" Porche declared, standing at the bow of the ship as the automatic motor putted to life. Hamburg sat in the very back of the little boat, quietly snickering to himself.

"Cuteness!" Perona agreed, happily swaying.

-X-

"THAT ISN'T CUTE AT ALL!" Porche screamed, sprinting as fast as she could through thick foliage.

"KYAAAAH!" Perona shrieked, occassionally firing off Mini Hollows back at the enormous beast chasing them. It roared and snapped at them with an enormous mouth lined with fangs dripping with saliva, unaffected by the explosions caused by the ghosts.

"WHERE'S HAMBURG?"

"I DON'T CARE!" Perona shrieked. She skidded to a stop and faced the massive animal. Perona raised her hands and gulped. "Negative Hollow!"

The second the ghosts passed through the tiger-bear-boar-lion thing, it stopped running and fell over, moaning and groaning in grief. Perona fearlessly approached it and tapped its bulky head. "You know, now that it stopped trying to eat us, I think it's sort of cute."

"Nyuah, now that you mention it..." Porche timidly emerged from her hiding spot behind a tree.

"But it won't fit on the boat!" Perona pouted, ruffling the beast's thick fur.

"Oyabin will be upset if we kick Hamburg off to make room, too." Porche frowned.

"Then we'll have to find something smaller and cuter." Perona decided.

"Okay."

-X-

"HAMBUUURG!"

"Eh?" Hamburg grunted, swatting away a few of the little furry _things _swarming all over the three of them. He burst out laughing when he saw Porche and Perona being overcome by the swarm. Perona was firing off Mini Hollows everywhere, but only more of the tiny creatures scurried forward to replace their blown up companions.

"Kyaaaaah!" Perona shrieked loudly, almost being pulled down into the writhing crowd of squirrel-hamster-guinea pig-chihuahua-cat things.

Hamburg snorted and lumbered over to them, crushing dozens of the animals in the process. He reached down and plucked the two girls up into the air.

"Waaaah! Let's get out of here!" Porche wailed.

"There's too many of these cute things!" Perona cried. Hamburg snickered and Perona began shouting at him, squirming in his grip. "Shut up! Your voice is so uncute!"

Hamburg dropped Perona.

"KYAAAAAH!"

-X-

"Oooh! Perona-chan, come look at this!"

"Kyaah! So cute!" Perona squealed. Porche held up the tiny fluffball of a kitten. It mewed and blinked at them with large, brown eyes. The two girls squealed simultaneously.

"We're definitely taking this one!" Porche smiled.

"It's so fluffy and adorable!"

"That will be two hundred beri." the pet store clerk spoke up, watching the two bizarrely-dressed girls. Porche and Perona stopped flailing with glee.

"We're pirates. We don't pay, I'm afraid." Porche sniffed.

"PIRATES!" the clerk whipped out a gun he apparently had stashed beneath the counter and began firing at them.

"KYAAAH!" Porche dropped the kitten and sprinted out with Perona in tow. The Ghost Princess fired off a large Hollow into the store once they stepped outside and there was a large explosion. Cats, dogs, and all sorts of other animals sprinted out of the ruined store, barking and meowing and hissing and squawking.

"There's the kitten!" Porche gasped, pointing to the little ball of fluff that had trotted out of the smoky ruins.

Before either of the girls could grab it, however, an enormous brick fell from the wall of the store and crushed it.

-X-

"Back so soon?" Foxy smirked, a couple dozen men fixing the hole in the deck behind him.

"Nyuah, Oyabin, we couldn't find anything cute _or_ a cuter flag." Porche said sadly.

Hamburg snickered, and Perona hit him over the head.

"STOP MAKING THAT UNCUTE SOUND!" she shrieked. Hamburg snorted, shook his head, and loped away.

"Have you decided to join our crew yet, Ghost Princess Perona?" Foxy asked confidentally.

"Your nose looks like a chili pepper!"

"Wh-why...?" Foxy sobbed, falling to his knees.


End file.
